Loving is a sin
by lesbian-otps
Summary: Being in love is always hard. Being in love with Jade is harder. It's a sin that she can't seem to get rid of. Written for the 7DOVP


"Jade," I breathed out, my hands resting on Jade's shoulders attempting to push the girl away. But I soon gave up on pushing the girl away, and gave into the increasing pleasure my body was feeling. I could feel Jade grin against my neck, before placing her lips against my tanned skin. Hands squeezed my hips and I let out a soft moan as Jade began to suck on the skin gently.

All attempts of stopping were wiped from my mind, as lips were placed against my own. Kissing me hard, and I couldn't help but kiss back with the same amount of need and want that Jade was kissing me with. I was pulled closer to the other girl, and I couldn't help but marvel at how our bodies fitted together, so I could feel every inch of the others body.

I was addicted to this. Addicted to Jade. I'm not sure how it started. The making out in empty classrooms, or the janitors closet. Going to the others houses in the middle of the night. I just remembered Jade grabbing my wrist, dragging me into the janitors closet. Pushing me into the wall, pressing her body against my own. Kissing me furiously. I kept coming back after that. Jade West was like a drug and I'm addicted to her.

The fact is though, I shouldn't be addicted to her. She still treated me the same ways she did before all this. The sarcasm. The harsh comments. Her insisting she's not my friend. But when we sit side by side at lunch, her hand is on my thigh. Her fingers tracing patterns over my jeans, heat coursing through my body by the simplest of touches. Our relationship had to be a secret, which I was glad it was. A part of me was not pleased of the fact that I was some sort of dirty secret. A part of me wanted to hold her hand in the hallway. Kiss her in the middle of crowd. The thoughts saddened me, but I carried on kissing the girl who held on to me as if I was her lifeline. Because I couldn't bring myself to stop. I should've stopped this ages ago, before it had gotten too far. I promised myself I would never develop feelings for the girl. But I knew I was screwed from the moment her lips found mine.

Maybe I could tell her how I felt, and I would there's just one problem. Beck. Her on and off again boyfriend. It was like she came to me for something that Beck couldn't give her. I knew it was wrong, I've told myself that a hundred times before. Except every time I tried to mention it to the other girl, she would silence me by kissing me or interrupting me with a harsh comment. So I just gave up, I knew she didn't want to talk about it. Probably wanting to forget about the boy when she was with me, but I couldn't help the intense force of jealously to appear whenever I see the two of them together. Doing the things that I wish Jade and I could do.

Her lips removed themselves off mine, and she moved backwards. Her hands and body leaving me, and I was left with a cold feeling that could only be demolished by her. I was used to that feeling, it had become second nature for me. Jade to leave without uttering a word to me, then I go back to staring at her longingly from the safety of my lockers. Today though was different, she lingered. Her dark eyes staring at me from where I stood, her bottom lip between her teeth as if she was contemplating saying something to me. She didn't, she left like every other time. I felt the twinge of disappointment when she didn't look back at me, when I shouldn't. I was used to being treated this way.

Once the door shut behind her, I placed my head in my hands and groaned. I knew from the moment that I first found out that loving Jade would be difficult, because she was Jade West. Now loving Jade was a sin, something that I was not supposed to do. She has a boyfriend, who was a good guy. Yes he might be a lousy boyfriend for Jade to have, but he was still my friend. Guilt washed over me and I sighed. I really had to stop whatever the hell I was doing with Jade, before someone other than me gets hurt.

I took out my phone to check the time and noticed that I had one message off Andre. I opened the message up and read.

**Andre- **Beck and Jade have broken up again, you know the drill for tomorrow.

I didn't bother texting him back, suddenly becoming drained of the whole scenario. I knew exactly what would happen next. Jade would come running to me. Her mascara running down her cheeks because of her tears. After she cries, she kisses hard and furious as if she's angry at Beck and takes her anger out on me. Then her kisses turn soft and gentle, turning me into a puddle on the floor. Later she'll take Beck back, and my heart will be ripped torn in two never to heal because Jade will come back.

Standing up, I walk out of the janitors room and noticed how the school is basically emptied. I shoved my hands into my pockets and walked into the music room with a heavy heart. The whole thing had become repetitive and I can't help but have the same level of hope every time it happens. The first time they broke up and I thought me and Jade would be together, but then she went ahead and took Beck back and it felt as if my heart had been ripped into pieces. Then it happened again, and again, and again. She was always giving him a second chance to redeem himself, just like he was giving her second chance.

I felt the familiar feeling of my heart being pulled out of my chest and I walked over to the piano that was placed in the corner of the room. I sat down on the seat and placed my hands over the keys. This has become a usual routine for me, kiss Jade then go put all my feelings into music. Right now there was this one song that I really wanted to sing. I breathed out and placed my hands on the right keys, and began to play.

_Hold my breath and I'll count to ten_

_I'm the paper and you're the pen_

_You fill me in and you are permanent_

_And you'll leave me to dry_

_I'm the writer and he's the muse_

_And the one that you always choose_

_He will falter and gift his blame_

_And it starts all over again_

_Again again again_

I closed my eyes and poured all my emotions into what I was singing. Frustration, pain, love. All of it revolved around Jade and how she just throws me away whenever she wants and brings me back when the time pleases. Playing with my feelings.

_He is bright lights and cityscapes_

_And white lies and cavalcades_

_And he'll take all you ever have_

_But I'm gonna love you_

_You say "maybe it'll last this time"_

_But I'm gonna love you_

_You never have to ask_

_I'm gonna love you_

_'Til you start looking back_

_I'm gonna love you_

_So right_

_I wouldn't need a second chance_

_Shield your eyes from the truth at hand_

_Tell me why it'll be good again_

_All those demons are closing in_

_And I don't want you to burn_

_Never mind what I said before_

_I don't want any less anymore_

_You are carbon and I am flame_

_I will rise and you will_

_Remain_

_For bright lights and cityscapes_

_And landslides and masquerades_

_And he'll take all you ever have_

_But I'm gonna love you_

_You say, "Maybe it'll last this time"_

_But I'm gonna love you_

_You never have to ask_

_I'm gonna love you_

_'Til you start looking back_

_I wouldn't need a second chance_

_I wouldn't need a second chance_

_I wouldn't need a second chance_

_I wouldn't need a second chance_

My eyes were shut as the last melodic tunes played out and a few tears leaked from the corner of my eyes. I had to stop this. My heart is already been played with, broken, repaired, shattered. I'm surprised it's still able to love and I'm giving Jade all my love. I felt my throat tighten as a sob tried to escape but I wouldn't let it. I was done crying over Jade.

"Hey Vega" A soft voice said and my eyes snapped open to see Jade standing by the door, her arms folded over her chest. Green eyes glistening with tears that had yet to fall. "You sung that song beautiful"

I mentally cursed at myself for the way my heart starting beating faster just at the sight of her. "Thanks," I said wiping away the tears that had made trails on my cheeks. "I heard about you and Beck"

Jade walked further into the room shrugging her shoulders slightly "I broke up with him, I wasn't in love with him anymore" I felt the hope rise through as she said this.

"Oh?"

"Yeah," Jade nodded as she moved her way over to me leaning against the piano and I felt my stomach start to do backflips as she got nearer. "I know I've been playing you around, Tori, it's just I feel something for you. I just don't whether it's hate or love. But I am willing to find out, if you're by my side. I would be awful at times, a bitch and I will say some pretty shit stuff to you. And you might need to give me loads of second chances, but I will care for you. Maybe even love you" She said and it felt as if my heart was being taped back together with every word she said. I leant my head forwards and crushed my lips against hers.

It was a familiarity kissing Jade. Her lips were something I could always keep coming back to. But this kiss felt different from all the rest. It was filled with unspoken words and promises, and when Jade placed her hands on my cheeks, a gesture that she had never done before now, I knew that we would be okay no matter the consequences. Because loving Jade was a sin, but if it was then I am a proud sinner.

**Hey thanks for reading and review :)**


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